Memo to the OverlordBossMan

To: All Employees

From: Pierre [Last Name]

Re: Moving Forward

Now that we have reached settlement with [EvilCorp] on the litigation, our attention must turn to maintaining focus on our businesses during these challenging times, staying engaged with our customers, and re-activating the integration planning process.

No offense, Dear Overlord, but the businesses, our customers and the integration are the three last things on my mind.  Seriously.  I’m more interested in getting off your sinking ship before it officially goes under.  Or to switch the analogy, Bossman, I’m running for my life before you get one last shot at knifing me in the back.  It’s probably hard to understand from your vantage point atop that massive pile of cash, but us lowly plebs still need food and shelter.  So, really, no offense and all, but bite me.

I recognize that since the settlement on Monday, you have many questions about the future organizational model and post-close structure. I have the very same questions that all of you have.

Dearest Brutus, are you really so out of touch.  The pile must be higher than I thought.  We rank-and-file have no such questions.  We could give two shits about the future organizational model.  Except, perhaps, insofar as it affects the one thing we do care about.  Will I have a job in this failing economy?  Will my family be able to keep our house?    Or will you cut me loose to save a little more cash?  So no.  You really don’t have the same questions we have.

Over the past weeks our attention and focus have been devoted to finding a resolution to closing the transaction and not on integration related issues. We will now be turning our attention to these issues and will begin discussions with [EvilCorp] on the subject later this week.

Translation:  Over the past weeks, your attention and focus have been devoted to finding a resolution to further padding your bank account, at the expense of 25-30% of your employees.  So, now as you turn your attention to culling the herd, well…it is no great consolation to know that we are in your cross-hairs.

We will share more information as it becomes available. One question that I can address today is that under our settlement with [EvilCorp], all the conditions in our merger agreement of July 10th regarding employee related benefits etc., remain intact. I would refer you to the Acquisition site on The Edge where we previously posted details on the merger agreement for more detailed information.

The lone bit of good news is that you somehow failed to take away our last remaining comfort as employees of this sordid company.  So I’ll get my puny 3 months severance (unless you start to get really creative…remember to read everything you sign, folks).  Small consolation indeed.

In the meantime, the business environment requires that we focus our attention on our work, along with a greater intensity on safety for ourselves and our colleagues.

The business environment requires nothing of the sort.  Having seen your “commitment” to your employees’ well-being, you can hardly be surprised that my commitment is most assuredly not to my work or this evil company.

Thank you for your patience as we move forward.



~ by Rob on March 12, 2009.

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