Emerging from Slumber

I have noticed that, as I emerge from the slumber of simply going through the motions with my faith for the last few months, I have a strong desire to engage in apologetic debates with Protestants. I have noticed the same thing about myself in the past. For a few months, I will let the whole Jesus thing go on autopilot. And then, as my spiritual life starts to crumble all around me, I will be awakened to a more fervent practice. But why is fervency so inextricably linked with fighting? Is my faith so shallow that I cannot thrive with Christ unless I keep reminding myself of all the arguments that brought me across the Tiber in the first place? Because I am pretty sure these fights have nothing to do with them being a spiritual work of mercy (to the extent they are, and are not sin). Is it that, in days past, fervency was so linked to a knowledge of Christ, “knowledge” flattened into referring strictly to head knowledge, that I have still retained that association? You know, Christ said, “Be knowlegeable as your Heavenly Father is knowledgeable”. Or: “know the arguments as he does”. Surely knowing your faith helps, but the point of the knowledge is to become a better disciple. And the internet fighting doesn’t bring that about. And I don’t have time, so it distracts me from what I should be doing.

Ah, whatever. I don’t even know what the heck I’m trying to say, let alone actually saying.

Update: Think I was looking too deep. It’s probably just a mix of pride and insecurity that, when I start to take the Faith seriously again, I feel the need to remind total strangers of my intellectual and spiritual superiority. One more reason to never engage in apologetics ever again. Time much better spent doing penance for my silly life.


~ by Rob on December 12, 2007.

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